Yesterday evening there was a thread of scrumnorris going over twitter. Since these messages were in German, let me translate them.
- Chuck Norris is ScrumMaster and ProductOwner – simultaneously.
- Chuck Norris can do 6-month sprints.
- Chuck Norris wears Timeboxershorts.
- Chuck Norris does not move story cards, he moves the taskboard.
- Chuck Norris does not estimate, he knows.
- Chuck Norris pairs alone.
- Chuck Norris starts project with a Roundhouse-Kickoff.
- Chuck Norris is allowed to appear late at the stand-up.
- Chuck Norris sits on the stand-up meeting.
- Chuck Norris has implemented everything at the planning meeting.
- Chuck Norris does not estimate user stories, user stories estimate him. (This doesn’t translate well.)
- Chuck Norris writes the code first, then the test.
- Chuck Norris is not afraid of bugs, bugs are afraid of him.
- Chuck Norris does not do Kanban. He does not know limits.
- Chuck Norris does not pull, he pushes.
- When Chuck Norris says “done”, then it’s “done”.
- Chuck Norris does not deploy, he develops on the production environment.
- Just Chuck Norris knows, that a real burn-down requires napalm.
- Chuck Norris has no burn-down chart. Around him everything is already burnt down.
- Chuck Norris answers just two questions on the stand-up meeting. Chuck Norris does not know obstacles.
- Chuck Norris does not prioritize the backlog.
- Chuck Norris takes two baby-steps at once.
- Chuck Norris does not use test-driven development. Chuck Norris always drives.
- Chuck Norris is the prioritized backlog.
Any additions?
Additions since I put my blog up thus far:
One addition since yesterday:
Chuck Norris’ unit tests pass, before he has written the code.
Priceless – thanks for translation!
Printing them and putting on the wall for all to read.
Tests doesn’t fail in front of Chuck Norris
Change: Chuck Norris writes the code first, then the test.
TO: Chuck Norris writes the code first, never the test(He doesn’t need to test at all).
Chuck Norris is ScrumMaster without being certified.
it’s so good…
Chuck Norris is Agile.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do iterative development, it’s right first time, forever.
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From the French blog who sent the pingback from comment 9:
Chuck Norris sidekicks chickens while eating fresh bacon at the stand-up
Chuck Norris developed his own crib in one iteration, right after birth
When Chuck Norris walks by, tests don’t run, they die in fear
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Aren’t these actually Jeff Sutherland facts? http://jeffsutherlandfacts.wordpress.com/
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Hallo an Euch.
Danke für den gut geschriebenen Beitrag.
Werde jetzt öfters mal vorbei schauen.(Drohung HEHE)
Ist gebookmarked.
Bis denne.
Peter